Deer Sweet One,
While prepping myself to write whatever it is I’m supposed to write tonight, I came across a document I have saved titled, “-ship affirmations jan 2014.” So I opened it, read it, remembered writing it, laughed at the time travel of it at all, then promptly took a nap. Before I share some of the gems with you from said document, I wanna cite the femme brilliance of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha & Keisha Williams who created “Badass Resilience: Black and Brown Femme Survivor Love and Desire Affirmations” as inspiration. I was first introduced to this beautiful piece of writing & affirmation in a came across their healing words in a workshop co-presented by Leah & Keisha, & I it was so perfectly perfect. I was thrilled to see Leah post it on her blog, & then to find it published in Dear Sister in 2014. I invite you to take a read for yourself!
I remember sitting in that workshop listening to this list for the first time & feeling in awe that this is shit I could actually have in my life. I was like, WHAT?!? How come nobody told me?!? But I was being told, by these two femme babe geniuses. A year & a half later I wrote my own affirmations. Although I don’t remember the day I wrote this, I do know that in January of 2014 I was residing in an old nunnery affectionately named the Baberation & I was being stalked by my super abusive ex while trying to finish my last two semesters of college. I remember I was nursing a broken heart because sometimes trauma makes loving each other hard, & I was exhausted from living in a super white city where I had to teach everyone how to love me. I tried femmeifesting love in that city for almost 18 years, & I have only recently left with a few precious seeds in my pocket while still dreaming of fields bursting with wild flowers. I wrote “-ship affirmations jan, 2014” because I knew that field was somewhere out there:
-ship affirmations jan. 2014, aka Vulnerability As My Compass: Affirmations for Bringing Springtime Back to the Body
i feel loved & adored.
i hold myself as center.
i release everyone & everything that does not celebrate me as perfect & necessary.
i move with confidence & joy in the direction of myself, my dreams, my desires, & my being.
i feel desired in ways that empower & heal me.
i fall in love with sweeties who want all that i want to give.
i experience sustainability.
i experience excitement.
i experience great communication & consideration.
i am having the dirtiest, sweetest adventure this femmeiverse has ever witnessed.
You can find the affirmations themselves here, too.
Love, I am writing to you from a place that might be a field, & all I can tell you is that the ground beneath me is itching with life. I can feel it shifting beneath my feet. I cant' say for sure that it's because I moved over 2,000 miles away from the city I spent over half my life, & I’m not saying that you gotta move across the country, too, but what I am saying is that some movement will be required.
Deer One, I’m not trying to tell you you aren’t doing enough, I know I felt endlessly frustrated at my thwarted efforts when trying to plan precious seeds & nourish them to bloom, but I think that’s why these cards are saying to give this one more go. I don't know that one more try will be the thing that changes everything, but I do know that I had to do so so many little things that I hoped would change everything, that often felt like nothing, & somewhere along the way they added up. & here I am, telling you this long & winding story on a Sunday night in a city where I can't help but swell from time to time. No matter how difficult this transition has been, it is not as bad as where I came from.
I also wanna tell you that this week's post feels so vulnerable, to peel back the curtains on things I hope for feels kinda like breaking teeth. I hate to want for things I historically have been unable to have, & this is no exception. But the messages came through so clear that I scoffed & threw a mini fit while my roommate laughed supportingly, I huffed all the way to the store for dinner fixings, & all the way back. In the end, I surrender. I'm gonna trust their advice & plant this precious seed, too.
This Tuesday is the New Moon in Pisces with the first half, the solar half, of eclipse season. I’ll write more on that specifically (hopefully) by Tuesday, & for now, I offer you this week's tarot reading with these three cards: Eight of Keys & Eight of Bones from the Collective Tarot, & Orange Calcite from the Visions: a crystal oracle deck. I hope these cards & my words & the messages coming through will help you work some kinda magic in your life. You deserve it. We always have.
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Pisces New Moon Love Notes from the Femmeiverse: Go, go, go!
Eight of Bones
Today we are going to focus on the pep talk the Caterpillar You gave yourself as you were struggling through your lessons one more time, lessons you may have believed had been laid to rest. I imagine that there was probably some self talking happening with the Caterpillar You while you were struggling to emerge from those lessons one more time, & I imagine that they were some kinda promise. Something like, “If you keep pushing, I promise that we’re not gonna go back. If you get out of bed & do that thing, I promise that it will lead to the next thing & the next thing, & before you know it we will smile again, & then living that life we always wanted! If you keep pushing, we get to have the good shit, love. The good shit you were too afraid to ask for but that the Femmeiverse knows has always been & will alays be yours! You just gotta get through this thing one more time. I know you’re tired, & this is shit you’ve done before, but one more time & we’re done! Again!” I don’t imagine pep talk fail like “If you get through this we get more of the same old shit! Yay! Nothing is gonna be changed!” was your motivation.
So I want you to tap into & remember what brave promises you made to yourself to keep going! You’re out now, deer one, & it’s time to make good with your word.
This stone is all about bringing healing back to those real tender parts of you, the ones still receiving fresh blood & soft massages. When you can be kind & generous with those hurty parts of you, you are setting the standard for how the most vulnerable parts of you are treated, which means that all the rest of you gets to receive the same consideration. The results of this kind of unconditional self-love are an increase in self-esteem & self-confidence, & which can lead to things the card encourages like, “buy yourself some flowers, start that project you’ve been putting off or tell that person you’ve been crushing on that you like them.” Perhaps these are even the kinds of promises you’re gonna make good on with yourself. What better way to re-enter your life?
Eight of Keys
I lost the book of interpretations for this deck a long time ago, but one of the things I do remember from that booklet is that is is the “Go, go, go!” card. What does “Go, go, go!” mean? Good question.
The fact that each of the cards are the Eight of their suits means that they’re syncing up in the messages they are bringing you, adding extra umph. Eight of Keys has everything to do with going toward the things that bring you warmth & keeps your fires healthy because these are the very sources of heat that forge a new you. Please don’t worry, those fireworks in the sky booming their way through your body is the Femmeiverse giving you the sweetest send off! You have everything you need, any further “preparation” is only stalling at this point. Trust that you don't need to pack anything else. Everything else you will need will be provided along the way!
Now, go go go! in the direction of those fields of promise, those fires that renew. Onward to the life you promised yourself when you wanted to stop trying!
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