2019: Love Will Make the Impossible Possible

​Deer Sweet One Wherever You Are,
I feel like I’ve been spending this whole month / year, all 16 days, figuring out what the fuck “Love Will Make the Impossible Possible” means.  I’m currently writing you from the “Everything Sucks” phase.  I’m calling everything into question (again), & I am not being very kind.  I’m also realizing that I’ve veered off path (or so it seems) & into the weeds of Self Doubt.  Do you ever tread this path, too?
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My sleep isn’t restful, & I often only want it so I can stop feeling, & then I’m up & down all night.  Really bad allergies aren’t helping me either.  I can’t help but wonder if my asthma getting bad right now isn’t all allergies, that it might be connected to grief bubbling back up.  After a lot of crying, I’m accepting that I’m feeling a big wave sadness right now, & that's just how it is until it's not.  I’m surprised at how well I can ignore what’s going on inside of me, but when I put the pieces together, I can recognize how these deep grief feels are trying to get me to do something different.

I was really hoping that working harder would be the answer, but it rarely is.  & if I’m being honest with myself, in those moments I completely let go, “I’m so tired,” are the words that slip out of my mouth.  I’m afraid to admit this, because there is a big part of me that believes I’m not allowed to be tired, that I won’t survive if I “stop working,” & frankly, that I don’t fucking deserve taking any kind of break.  Or that I have to breakdown to take a breath, to take a break.  This is such a deep belief, I don’t even wanna write about it right now.

This morning, on my way here to my favorite coffee shop (it’s the only one I’ve been to more than once, but I usually know right away when I like something), I got into the car & heard a song that really popped out to me.  Heart Shaped Box reminded me of a femme friend I’ve been thinking about for days, so I decided to make a lil 20 second video & text it to her.  This opened up a whole treasure trove of feels that I’ve been praying for: hope, faith, love, connection.  She is the embodiment of love that makes the impossible possible.

I came out & grew up quite a bit in a super white city that is super conservative.  The queer community there reflects these stark truths, & I spent too much time with people who knew nothing about how to love or care or protect me.  Perhaps this is also because I was learning this for myself at the same time.  Even now I find myself wanting to make excuses for them, & that’s also true of me when it comes to family.  Amidst my personal world of chaos arose this blessed femme & her whole family.

This morning’s text / video exchange reminded me of all the times we stayed up so late, chatting & crying, snacking & swooning.  I leaned on her when I felt broken, especially heartbroken, & she never wavered in telling me that I deserved everything & more.  Her heart is magnificent has kept me alive on more than one occasion, & I'm living the life we were dreaming up for me--love, safety, a partner who could hold their own & even inspire me, a home of my own, & all kinds of things still in seed form.  Good love is everything.

This is the kind of love I’ve been in pursuit of my whole life.  I’ve broken down so many walls inside of me so this kind of love has room to grow.  I work hard at grieving & staying soft so I can understand what it’s telling me when I pose questions.  This is the kinda love that makes me, & the life that I have, possible. It’s not easy, but that’s not what I signed up for.  I signed up for a life that loves me back, even if that love confounds me & I gotta break curses to let it in.

I hope for you faith that can reach you wherever you are, love that speaks the language of your ancestral self, & safety to explore your deepest desires.  Today, right now, I’m hoping this for myself, too.

All my love,
Dacia

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​♡
I'd really love to collectively receive $50-$100 for the healing work channeled for this offering.  Please support femme labor & practice reciprocity by contributing through Venmo, Cash App, or Paypal (only if necessary, like if you're in Canada, cuz PP fucks over sex workers).  You can also book your own readings here!  Your support means I can do things like pay bills, buy food, & even take myself to the movies!  & I don't wanna come off as rude, but if you think / assume "somebody else" is taking care of this community invoice, you're wrong.  My average so far is about $15 per post, & nothing was sent for the one I wrote last.  Not trying to be fucked up or entitled, just naming a thing.

​Thanks so much for witnessing, loving, & growing!
♡

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​Please feel free to tag me (@high.moon.femme) on your instagram if you use this spread & want me to share it!  I'm also excited to chat about it when you book your reading with me.  I love how readings build & meld into each other all year long.  It's the story of your unfolding.

​#1: THE THEME FOR 2019
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All that love you gave to yourself this past year in 2018 is coming back to you in 2019!  It wasn’t always easy to love yourself through & with your broken heart, but you did it anyways.  This was so important because it allowed love to flow into the deep crevices of you that hadn’t been able to feel your own powerful love yet.  That’s partly why you had to hurt so deeply, & I’m sorry it hurt so much.

The LOVERS card is a sign that deep shifts have occurred, & now all paths before you are laden with love.  This is no coincidence, it is the result of transforming your relationship with yourself, raising your standards, & allowing yourself to want more good things.  Your heart is becoming the compass you've been in need of.

#2: WHAT DO I NEED TO LET GO OF?
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​Let go of the way plans fall apart sometimes.  CHANCE is here to remind you to stay focused on the simple truth that you will not always be privy to what the Femmeiverse has in store for you!  Often this is the case because of a little thing called self sabotage, so rather than opening you up to that, your guides & ancestors only give you enough info to do the next thing.  

​Try as you might to predict where you’re gonna end up, it will be in vain. My advice is to take it as it comes, follow your intuition, & trust that some seriously magical fucking beings know exactly what you want & how you want it & are doing their best to make shit happen for you.  If anything, pray for willingness, for openness, & for signs that you really are on the right path before your doubt takes the wheel & steers you off course.  This wheel of fortune is spinning in your favor, don’t be afraid to take a chance & bet on you!

#3: THE CHALLENGE
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​The challenge for the coming year involves the ACCOUNTABILITY card, which promises that your life will be brought back into harmony.  It often indicates that you will regain something you lost, & it hurt you.  A lot.  You even tried to make it right, to get justice for yourself, but in the end you had to make due with circumstances that felt fucked up & unfair.  Magic heart, I know this was hard, & I have survived such things, too. We all do.

There’s a thing called Divine Justice that overrides whatever it is we think is justice.  It isn’t punitive & often takes time because what it does it create healing for everyone involved & keeps you at a safe distance.  When injustices come back into balance it can get messy, & you don’t need that to deal with on top of everything else.  Don’t worry about how this will happen, just trust that the Femmeiverse knows what you need & can make miracles happen.  Be prepared to shed old skins & beliefs.

#4: HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHALLENGE
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​MENTOR of BONES is here to show you how to deal with the challenge posed by ACCOUNTABILITY.  This is confirmation that this process will be very challenging & that you are not gonna be the same when it’s over.  You’re gonna meet parts of you that you thought were dead, parts of you that you’re gonna have to usher into death, & everything in between.  If there are things you were gonna deal with “later,” know that the time has come.

The Femmeiverse wants you to know that although this is very challenging, if done with earnestness & willingness to surrender to this painful process, you will not have to do it again.  This does not mean your shit won’t come up again, it just means that if & when it does, your relationship to it will be so deeply transformed that it won’t hurt like it does now.  Your guides & ancestors are by your side, ready to do bidding on your behalf, so don’t hesitate to ask them for any & everything--support, guidance, a moment to breathe, clarity, unconditional love. They know this is no easy ask, to bring you a journey involving the MENTOR of BONES, so they wanna support you however you will let them.  That’s the secret, deer one.  You gotta ask them.

​#6: THE BLESSINGS
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​This is the year where your impossible becomes possible, so let your dreams take whatever shape they want to take!  The STAR card is here to let you know that your guides & ancestors are filling you up with all the magic, love, nurturing energy you can possibly receive.  The hands on this card belong to them, & they are pouring all the ingredients you need to make your secret dreams come true. Some of the ingredients will arrive pretty raw, & the process involving the LOVERS, CHANCE, ACCOUNTABILITY, & MENTOR of BOTTLES are intended to help you refine said raw ingredients.  There will be less breaking you down & more putting you back together, which is why keeping a clear vision of your dreams is so important.

I am so relieved that this card showed up in the position of blessings. I don’t know about you, but I need this. I need to believe that grief & exhaustion are not my natural state of being, & that my effort to sit with my feelings so they can transform into something else really will pay off at some point.  The STAR card is confirmation that this is true, kinda like a promise. No matter how deep into your own self you go, & no matter what you find there, remember that the STAR card foretold bountiful blessings, magical miracles, a full cup, & all the ancestral support you could ever want. That’s another thing about this card, make sure you ask your guides & ancestors for their help. They respect your free will & won’t impede, so grant them permission to color your days from the beginning, then follow their lead by following your intuition.  You are so loved, sweet one. You are already here because of so many miracles, proof that their promises do come true.

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Dev Ocean is a Cancer Sun, Gemini Moon, Aquarius Rising who's been reading tarot for the past 10+ years.  She uses the Collective Tarot to channel messages from your guides & ancestors. Tarot readings happen over the phone or internet, & can bring you the comfort & clarity you need to heal.

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